Passenger Princess Diaries
A small group of motorcycles set off from Pasadena on a cool California winter morning. Five people, three motorcycles. All the drivers were men; the two passengers were women. One of those passengers, Carolina, is also an avid and skilled rider. I am not. In fact, I’ve spent a minimal amount of time on two wheels. As a passenger on a few occasions in another lifetime, and piloting a small scooter in Southeast Asia back before I became a mom. I had fun riding those little bikes around, and I even briefly practiced riding an actual motorcycle in rural Japan nearly two decades ago. From these experiences, I’m fully aware that riding a motorcycle requires skill, coordination, and concentration.
Search New and Used Motorcycles on the Cycle Trader Marketplace
The group stopped to enjoy the view at a mountain lookout. Carolina asked, “Do you think you’d like to ride yourself?” I gave her a short answer, “Maybe someday, but I’m enjoying being a passenger at the moment.” Without another word, she understood. Although she typically rides her own bike, that day she was taking in our surroundings from the back of her partner’s Indian Roadmaster PowerPlus 112. She indicated that she gets it, and that she herself is becoming quite comfortable in the role of passenger. “Maybe too comfortable,” she concluded. She then used a term I’d never heard before: “Passenger Princess.”
Giving Up Control
The longer answer, had I needed to explain myself, would have a lot to do with letting go of control. In my daily life, I manage, coordinate, and organize everything. Work, finances, house care, meals, dogs, transportation, taxes, appointments, social calendars, play dates, school permission forms, and not least of all, keeping my three kids alive. I’ve been doing this for many, many years. So when I have the rare opportunity to take leisure time, the last thing I want to do is be in charge. I don’t want to make all the decisions, I don’t want to be the leader, and in fact I don’t want to think very much at all. I want to sit back and enjoy the scenery, the time with my man, the fresh air, and the freedom of the open road. This is what I get to do as a “Passenger Princess.” Being on the back of my partner’s bike is one of the rare times I’m not distracted by my phone, chores, motherly duties, or other distractions. It’s one of the only scenarios in which I can tune out everything but the present moment and feel truly free. This is a gift.
But here’s the thing – that feeling of total freedom, that ability to let go of control and enjoy the present moment – that can’t just happen on any bike with any driver. I’ve been on the back of a bike with a different driver and felt tense, nervous, and even scared. I’ve been on rides where my favorite part was getting off the bike at the end. Even when I rented small mopeds and scooters in the past, if the drivers with me weren’t alert and riding their bikes safely, I was distracted and concerned – reducing my ability to relax and have fun. The driver has such an important role in making the passenger feel safe and secure, allowing them to relax and enjoy the ride.
Clear Communication
For me, clear communication before and during the ride helped a great deal. Letting me know the route, the speeds we’d be traveling and periodically checking in on my comfort made all the difference. Choosing a bike that is specifically designed to be comfortable for both the driver and the passenger for long trips was important as well. My first time as passenger with my partner was on his Triumph Thruxton 1200 R as we participated in the Distinguished Gentleman’s Ride.
On our most recent trip, my first full day as a passenger, I was grateful to have a backrest, and ample room for my legs, so I didn’t feel like every movement I made could distract or bother him. Plus, I could switch up my seating and leg position now and then. My back also seriously appreciated the comfortable suspension! There are other comforts that really helped too, like the large windscreen and adequate storage for the supplies we were carrying.
It was so great being able to lock up our helmets in the back storage compartment when we made stops. Having a backpack on for a whole day wouldn’t have been ideal. All of these physical characteristics of the bike helped make the experience comfortable and enjoyable, but none of it would have mattered if the driver wasn’t taking the passenger, in this case, me, into consideration. A driving style that made me nervous would have rendered all those creature comforts irrelevant.
The Rider’s Responsibility
If you, as a rider, want your partner to join you, I recommend you make them feel safe, listened to, and cared for. Ride smoothly, check if the speed is okay, don’t make unpredictable maneuvers, and leave extra space between yourselves and other vehicles. And if your passenger is anything like me, she’ll appreciate you reaching back to hold or rub her leg every now and then. When my man does all of those things, it reminds me that he knows he has my life in his hands, he knows I’m putting my trust in him, and he doesn’t take that lightly.
What I expected from my first full day trip as a passenger was adventure, a sense of doing something on the risky side, and learning more about what my partner is passionate about. What I took away is something more than that. I experienced our views and surroundings while being fully present. I was able to not only see everything better than I would from inside a vehicle, but also able to hear and smell the environment around us. I could smell the salt water near the ocean and a fragrant cluster of evergreens as we passed through a forest. I was freed from all the responsibilities of life for that day, as I was in no position to take care of anything from where I sat.
The Gift of Presence and Safety
It was full immersion in the present place and time. And because of the care my pilot took to make sure I felt safe and comfortable, I realized that I trust him fully. I love to feel free and have fun, and that’s so much easier for me to do when I don’t have worries hanging over me. When I know someone else is going to step up and not leave all the unsexy safety and preparation jobs to me. As one who typically has to step up and take charge when leadership is needed, I didn’t have to that day.
What all this amounts to is a great sense of bonding with my partner. He made me aware that he wanted me there with him while doing what he loves, and has loved, long before I entered the scene. He made sure that my nervous system was calm and relaxed, even while vulnerable to the elements and other motorists. Not to mention being physically close all day. It all equated to deeper connection and trust.
So, while I’ve never been called a “princess” before and have never been one to wear fluffy dresses or a tiara, I’ll happily claim the title of Passenger Princess if it means continuing these shared adventures with my man, who treats me like royalty.
Terri Davies
You might also like
